Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Too "old" to find myself...?

I often have this battle with myself and those closest around me..

"Why can't you pick one thing you like and just do that?"

How else can I answer this question I struggle with constantly. Am I suppose to know what I want to do and have it all together just because I am married and has a child? When did I stop being a 23 year old girl searching for herself? Maybe it's because I'm His wife. Or maybe it's because I'm his mother. Or maybe its because I have those bills to pay.

What ever it is, it's telling me that I shouldn't be "testing the waters" with different career paths or new entrepreneurial ventures. And don't get me wrong, my husband supports ALL of my crazy, sometimes irrational dreams and "plans" I come up with for my life, but from time to time I can tell he gets exhausted of them. Maybe even scared that I can't seem to make up my mind... but what am I suppose to do? Just for the sake of his sanity or mine, pick something fast to stop wasting time and settle with it?

I can't do that.

I sometimes personally forget that I'm only in my early-twenties... that I had to "matured up" and fast due to me having my small family so early and all, also to the fact that I have always surrounded myself with older friends and family since I was a child. The point is, I really have talked myself into feeling guilty that I don't have it all together and that I should. And with this realization, came the point that it has been making it even worse on my part because I feel like I have to rush into something else fast to make up for not picking the right "thing" to do in the 1st place.

I think its about time I come to terms with this and really get this under control.

I am allowed to not have it all together.
I am allowed to make mistakes and try again.
I am allowed to follow my dreams, even if they don't make sense to anyone else.
I am allowed to look stupid at times when I realize I chose something wrong for me.
I am allowed to get back up and try something new.
I am allowed to be WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN AND WHY because thats what 20-something year olds do...period.

I am a mother and a wife. I take these commitments very seriously and I try to do my best at them with all my heart and soul but I also have to focus on myself because if I can't be happy with the person I am, how can I be happy doing anything else?

Life is short.
It goes by fast.
It gets crazy hard, but it's also a gift from God.
It's a time where we should live with the utmost joy, love and passion while we are here. I want to make the best of this life I was blessed with, even if that means trying something new everyday.

I can no longer feel sorry for exploring MY waters. I also want to encourage other young moms to feel the same thing. We are girls at the end of the day. We have our own goals and our own ambitions too. We are human. We are not selfish nor are we silly for our dreams.


If not for anyone else but yourself. Trust me... your family will benefit from this, even if it doesn't look so now.

It will.

Thank-you for reading my bare heart on this blog post. <3
signed, a young mom with BIG dreams.


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